At Witt's End

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When it comes to buffoons there is nothing worse than billionaire buffoons.
That’s because when buffoons on a park bench or in a tavern makes an ass of themselves it’s usually good for a laugh. But a billionaire buffoon actually has the clout to turn the entire bar into fools with him.
I came to this conclusion after reading a recent New York Times story on how Billionaire Mayor Michael Bloomberg is hiring a handful of the country’s top journalists at close to $500,000 a pop to “divine and distill his unique brand of political philosophy and disseminate it around the globe.”
This gig might pay well but it’s hardly Andrew Carnegie hiring journalist Napoleon Hill to learn the secrets of the country’s great industrialists and inventers and share them with the masses in the seminal book, Think and Grow Rich.
It’s more like “billionaire gone wild” Mike Bloomberg trying to buy his way into greatness. Talk about dealing with the devil.
But I’m sure some of the hottest and smartest journalists in the country read the article and dusted off their resumes licking their Columbia J-School lips for a chance to bolster their checkbooks and gain bragging rights to working for Bloomberg.
But here’s a word to the wise for my colleagues. Before applying for the gig, read the fine print on the Bloomberg LP career Web site. It states:
“I agree that if I am hired for a position in the United States of America, I will be employed on an at-will basis, which means that: (a) my employment and compensation are not guaranteed for any definite period, and can be terminated, with or without cause, and with or without notice, by either the Company or myself; and (b) there is no written or oral agreement or representation that can alter my at-will status except an individual’s written agreement signed by the Chief Executive Officer of Bloomberg.”
In other words, if you get hired and  look so much as cross-eyed at anything Bloomberg says, don’t let the door hit you on the way out.
This goes for working for world-renown union buster and Bloomberg friend Rupert Murdoch, who owns the Post, and Mort Zuckerman, whose Daily News reporters are increasingly “permalance” positions – paid per diem with no benefits.
But let me not criticize my colleagues, who after all, are just trying to make a buck.  In fact, I could divine, distill and disseminate Bloomberg’s unique brand of political philosophy a lot cheaper and start with a single sentence:
“He created a better mousetrap that made him billions of dollars, bought his way into public office, destroyed the middle class and used his money to buy the public and politicians, and ruin his enemies.”
But I jest here. So if your Royal Highness, Mayor Bloomberg or any of your minions should glance at this column, please understand it is pure buffoonery to amuse you. Ask anyone who knows me and they will say I’m a buffoon who means no harm.
And as a journalist, feed me a cracker and I’ll squawk like a parrot, “Bloomberg is great! Bloomberg is great!”
Just let me know where to Email my resume